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valerie
17 November 2009 @ 06:53 pm
live a little, be a gypsy  
I am a god damn omlete-making, omlete-flippin expert.

I never know what to write in this thing anymore. Nothing terribly exciting has been going on lately. It's hard to find exciting things to do when you're flat broke and have no money to go anywhere. At least I've found ways to enjoy my time, thanks to Jack. I am so happy to be with him. It's nice to have someone else going through the same situation as you. Makes you feel a little less shitty when you have to do degrading things such as paying for 86 cents in gas in pennies while the clerk looks at you like you're mental...keeping your eyes peeled for every single yellow coupon hanging on the HEB shelves...going to Hollywood video to complain that a DVD wasn't working (when it was) in order to get another rental, etc.

Toys R Us isn't exactly what I hoped it would be. I get shitty hours and shitty pay. Yet, it's hard to be in a bad mood in a toy store. And at least it gives me plenty of time for school work and Jack :)


( \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ )
 
 
valerie
16 November 2009 @ 12:27 am
laaaaaaaadieeees  



 
 
valerie
06 October 2009 @ 07:49 pm
fixing a hole  



 

( where the rain gets in )
 
 
valerie
21 September 2009 @ 02:48 pm
saved  

Well, shit. I've drawn a blank....oh, school. How could I forget. My classes are swell. My professors are all super quirky which I LOVE. I'm really sick of having morning classes though and having to leave home 20 minutes eary just to find a decent parking spot because Lord help you if you are even 10 minutes early, you will still park a mile away from your classroom. There's too many people in the morning, too, and they're all practically younger than me. Makes me feel like I'm in high school again and I really don't want to reminece that stage again. Other than that, I'm really diggin this semester. I got a etter in the mail stating that I'm qualified for the Honors program which I will definitey be aiming for. I don't want to transfer to TAMU-CC, I want to get out of Corpus. My spirits were raised even higher when I found out I made an A on my first psyhchology test. How? I'm not sure, I'm still amazed at the concept of this whole "studying" thing.

Autum officialy started on Tuesday and the cool breeze that brushed through my hair as I walked outside that morning proved it. I am so in love with fall. As a kid, it was never my favorite. It means school is in effect, summer is over, etc. But now I look at it as a time for R&R. I feel closer to people this time of the year and everything I encounter seems to have this tranquilizing aura. Last night, Jack and I played disc golf with a few friends and it was so nice to spend all the time outside to enjoy the weather. I'm getting pretty good at it I think, too. Kim, one of the wives who plays with us, gave me 6 of her discs to keep. Not borrow, KEEP! Those things are pretty expensive so I was honored to say the least.

ADD is kicking in so I'm off. I'm glad I upoad pics a day before I post an entry, it takes too fucking long.
 

( $%^#@&*^%$#$ )
 
 
valerie
06 September 2009 @ 04:34 pm
snicklefritz  

What a long week! Geez, reality bites. School is smooth sailing so far, I'm happy to be back and glad to be feeling productive again. Sitting on your ass doing nothing all day gets old fast. It is crazy that Paul McCartney sounds the same as he did when he was in his 20's. And how the FUCK does he not forget any lyrics? They only have hunderds upon hundreds of songs. I love you, I love you , I loooooove you, that's all I want to say.

Stephanie's wedding was so so much fun yesterday. I had the honor of being one of her bridesmaids which was a first for me, I've never been in a wedding. Jacqulyn was the maid of honor. The whole experience was wonderful. Everything from receiving penis pops in my bachelorette party bag and getting my hair and make up done to getting to walk down the isle in the ceremony and seeing a beautiful friend becoming a lady. I'm so incredibly happy for her.

Mom - Jacqueline, Best Friend - Jacqulyn, Boyfriend - Jack.....WEIRD!
 

( smells like chicken )
 
 
valerie
31 August 2009 @ 10:27 pm
my key lime  


 
 
valerie
26 August 2009 @ 12:33 pm
"Is love a tender thing?...  
...It is too rough, too rude, too boisterous, and it pricks like thorn."
"If love be rough with you, be rough with love. Prick love for pricking and you beat love down."

Geez, I feel so fucking guilty for being happy and moving on at times. I know Cavan doesn't want my pity, but how can I not hold any towards him when he makes me feel so shitty. I was vaccuming out my car yesterday at the car wash and in my trunk, I find one of Cavan's Texas hats, his favorite one. I coudn't help but wonder how it got back there and what we possibily could've been up to the day he left it there. I still think about him a lot of course. A shit load. Not even a minute later, the SUV next to me drives off and low and behold, Cavan is there cleaning out his Mazda. I wanted to hide in my car and pretend to be invisible or speed off and leave him in the dust, anything to avoid confrontation. After trying to contain my shaky fingers and rehearsing in my mind what I could possibly talk to him about, I racked up the balls and walked up to him, nervous as hell, and said hi and gave him his hat. Our conversation was scarce. We kept it short and simple for obvious reasons. It was hard to listen to him when he had this puckered look on his face the whole time as if he were about to cry. And then I couldn't help but make the same face. He asked if I had a boyfriend, I said yes, and then that was that. He left. We spent all night texting and arguing about my decision on not getting back together and I still don't think he fully understands my purpose. I am always the bad guy when it comes to ending a relationship and it makes me feel like absolute SHIT knowing I've hurt someone I used to be so incredibly and helplessly in love with. I did what I believe is right and if it's not, if I end up regretting it in the future, then so be it. I just couldn't put up the charade any longer. Does that make me ruthless? Heartless even? To want to be happy and have to hurt someone I still care so much about in return?

This all comes down to life's reoccuring bouts of change. I can't express it enough. There are some people who remain the same person their whole life, I have many friends who are that way and are completey content with it, as well they should be. As for me, I welcome and embrace change. I look forward to new experiences and love trying a taste of a different world. Not to say I'm not comfortabe with the status I'm at, but change is my fuel for existence. I've been able to touch base with many different dimensions of life in doing so, which includes pain, but, most of all, includes joy. Lately, I've been painting a lot. A whole lot. And even though I'm not great at it, there's something really rejuvenating about brushing paint onto a fresh sheet of paper and pieceing together and a work of art you never knew you were capable of conjuring. It's fun to test yourself. I don't smoke ciggarettes anymore and I thank Jack for the influence. I also thank him for grounding me and keeping me in touch with the things in life that really matter, like family. I don't feel the need to go out and party as much as I used to, which I am insanely thankful for. He makes me want to be a better worker at the restaurant which ultimately helped me get my raise. Everything is just falling into place lately. I guess you can say I've made the right move so far. Hope it lasts.

Hot cheetos from the big bag are so much hotter than vending machine bags. I breathe fiya!
 
 
valerie
17 August 2009 @ 06:57 pm
you want me? fucking well come and find me  

I usually can't go through a journal entry without complaining about something, but not now. Not when I'm feeling this fantastic about nearly every aspect of my life. School is all in order. I'm registered for 12 hours and am going to try my absolute hardest to maintain my 4.0. J.A.C.K. = the giddiest and happiest I've felt in a very, very long time. Jacqulyn refers to it as me being "blissfully beaming" and I couldn't word it more perfectly. I didn't know guys like Jack existed, or at least that I'd ever be fortunate enough to date one in the future. He's a true, chivalrous man. It's nice to be treated like a lady for once. He's been letting me carry his camera around with him because he knows how much I miss mine. Speaking of Jacqulyn, she'll be here Monday! Things are just...fantastic. And I don't want to type right now, I wanna go to the beach. So good day.
 

My girl crushes are out of control.

( taco flavored kisses )
 
 
valerie
06 August 2009 @ 01:39 pm
it's a calypso, but it's not easy to know  
It's amazing how much a person can change, spiritually and emotionally, within the mere course of two weeks. I've gone through another transition as an adult and feel that this one is for the best. And it's apprant to everyone around me that I've been glowing these days, they can't help but point out the cheesy grin that's been plastered to my face lately. I didn't think this process would be so easy to cope with, but it's been a smooth ride. Never have I been able to see myself getting over Cavan, but I guess anything really is possible because I have moved on and nothing in the world can duplicate this liberation. There is always hope and always someone out there who truly deserves you and visa versa.

( show me, show me, show me how you do that trick )
 
 
valerie
29 July 2009 @ 01:09 pm
This rite of passage is a righteous one....  






With my big black boots and an old suitcase,
I do believe I'll find myself a new place.
I don't want to be the bad guy,
I don't want to do your sleepwalk dance anymore.
I just want to see some palm trees.
Go and try and shake away this disease.

I just want to feel some sunshine.
I just want to find some place to be alone.
 
 
 
 

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